The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
