I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize