I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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