you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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