I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
