By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
