I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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