remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
