Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
