I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
