Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
