he looks like a really good dad on facebook
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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