you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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