Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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