if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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