The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
