I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
