"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
