If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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