my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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