just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
