I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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