Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
