I wish I could teleport
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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