Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
