1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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