Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize