maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize