Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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