yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
false alarm, still single
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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