Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
