what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
