do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
