is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
