I accidentally had phone sex last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize