Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
