I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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