I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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