It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
