hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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