I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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