recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have post one night stand depression
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