So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
