Whod you bang
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
