and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Say something about gay babies.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
