I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
