this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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