Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
