no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
