Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
