you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
