You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
