you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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