Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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