While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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