I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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