I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
BRING THE BAGELS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize