Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
