My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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