So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
