okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
