im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
