She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
