you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
