I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
