You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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