just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
