the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
