i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
