it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
